Will and Guy's Top Ten Funny Language "HR Speak"

• "Competitive salary" = We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. 

• "Must be deadline oriented" = You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. 

• "Some overtime required" = Some time each night and some time each weekend. 

• "Must have an eye for detail" = We have no quality control. 

• "Career minded" = Female applicants must be childless and remain that way. 

• "No phone calls please" = We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. 

• "Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience" = You will, in fact, be replacing three people who have just left. 

•  "Problem solving skills a must" = You're walking into a company which is in perpetual chaos.

• "Requires team leadership skills" = You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay nor the respect. 

• "Good communication skills" = Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.